Autobiography - Who the heck am I?

So, who am I, and what are some important things that I have experienced? 

Me, 3 years old, deep in thought, 1973, Reading, PA

It is a challenge when asked questions like this to try to distill out the most pivotal, and important moments in your life. In retrospect, it seems that everything is important and even small things that may not seem important at the time can later reveal themselves as key moments.. I have had a great number of experiences in my life, some good, some not so good, some joyous and wonderful, and others very challenging and painful. I think that the throughline for all of my experiences though, has been faith that God was in it with me and that there was something beneficial to learn from each experience. I don’t think that this is how everyone should see their life and the things that happen to them, it is simply what has worked for me. I will detail in brief some key things from my childhood, my early adulthood, and my current “middle-aged” experiences that I think are important in understanding who I am, and how I came to where I am now. 

I was born in Reading, PA, which is a small city about 45 minutes drive northwest of Philadelphia. It is on the edge of the Berks/Lancaster county line. It is an interesting place to live and grow up. When I was a child we had milk delivered to our doorstep by an Amish farmer in a horse and buggy. I had 6 siblings (I was the “middle child” - my siblings came along one after another during the course of my childhood, as my mother married multiple times), and some of our favorite outings as kids were to ride out to Amish country to the Oley Turnpike Dairy for ice cream. My mother was a deeply religious person during my childhood, and we belonged to the Jehovah’s Witness church. We attended the Kingdom Hall every week and numerous gatherings and church functions. My Nana who was born in Ukraine was also deeply religious, however, she was an orthodox catholic, and when we would visit her, she would take us to mass. We often would attend holiday services with her rather than at the Kingdom Hall, which I suppose was probably “against the rules” of that religion. Spirituality and religion were very important to my mother, and also to me, even as a child. I was the one who actually liked going to church. I did not really understand that my father was not religious, I just thought he did not come to church with us because he was tired from work, or had to do things at home. It was just one of the schisms between him and my mother that led to their divorce when I was 5. 

After the divorce I spent the next 5 years with my mother, who at the time continued to attend the Jehovah’s Witness church; she remarried a couple of years after the divorce. It is important to mention here, that during this time period, my mother refused to allow my father visitation with us, and she told us numerous lies about why my father was not present in our lives. She told us that he did not love us, that he didn’t want to see us, amongst other much worse things. It is probably important to add here that my mother was then, and continues to be a very difficult person to get along with, and has suffered from some undiagnosed mental health issues throughout her life. When I was 9 and my younger sister was 7, my mother divorced what was then her 3rd husband (my father was husband #2, and I had 1 full sibling). My mom only had a high school diploma at that time, and it was the late 70s, not the friendliest of times to be a single mom. My mother took my sister and me to my aunt and uncle's house in Mohnton, PA, and dropped us off there. She told us that we would never see her again, and told my aunt and uncle to tell my dad to come get us. Needless to say, this was an incredibly traumatic event that had a lot of negative effects on my sister and me, one of which was that we became estranged from one of our siblings, whom to this day I have never seen again. We were with our aunt and uncle for about 2 months, while my father and new stepmother were making arrangements for us to come stay with them in Florida. I am forever grateful to my Aunt Liz and Uncle David for the way that they saved my sister and I. They were incredibly kind people and took excellent care of us, and made sure we knew that no matter what, we were loved. They were Quakers and also deeply religious people. 

I would like to acknowledge at this time, that my mother was operating out of the best knowledge that she personally had, and that she has had unaddressed mental health issues for her entire life. She suffered a lot of personal trauma as a child, and I can't help but think that both her life and mine (and those of my siblings) might have been very different if she had been given the help and assistance that she needed. 

My dad with me as an infant, 1970

My father took my sister and me to Florida on a 3-day long road trip down the east coast. We had not seen him in 4 years, and I was SO glad to be back with my dad. He was a really kind man, funny, and also deeply loved my sister and I. I later found out that during the entire time that we had not seen him, my mother was hiding our location from him and denying him visitation despite being ordered by the court to do so. We arrived that spring in Florida, where we got to know our new stepmother - she and my father are probably the most important people in my life from that point onward. My stepmother is a relatively well-known artist in Florida (and in PA where she now lives). Her name is Sharon McGinley-Nally (I will link some examples of her work below). She is kind, generous, and full of a spirit of love and grace and I do think that it was her care, and my father's love that saved me and helped me (and still to this day continues to help me) heal from the trauma that my mother caused me. 

Display of Sharon McGinley's art at a show

Books illustrated by Sharon McGinley

Online Art Gallery of Sharon McGinley

I cannot tell you how fortunate I consider myself to have been gifted with her presence in my life, and continue to be grateful for every moment that I get to spend with her. My father passed away in 2019, however, she is still living and continues to be a veritable fountain of unconditional love. It was Sharon who took my sister and me to the Episcopal church for the first time, which was so incredibly liberating for me as a kid. I had not had a birthday party or any holidays up till that point (apart from attending Christmas and Easter mass with my Nana). I grew to love the Episcopal church and attended bible school, youth group, and numerous youth events through the church which were very formative for me, kind of helping me reform from the very very strict Jehovah’s Witness idea of God to something a bit softer, and more grace-filled. I was also introduced to numerous other artists and friends of my parents who were very diverse in their religious backgrounds and was exposed to other faith traditions. I came to understand that there are many ways to understand God and spirituality and that each has its own way of forming and creating people in beautiful ways. I was baptized in the Episcopal church at 16, and then later confirmed in the church as an adult. 

The Baptism of Jesus by Sharon McGinley

The next key thing that occurred was that I became pregnant when I was 17 years old (yes, despite the best efforts of my family, I was still a troubled kid from all the trauma I had as a child, and got into some trouble). I married my high school sweetheart, and we had 3 children together. When I was 23 we divorced due to him being unfaithful, and it was yet another traumatic experience for me, and for my kids. I spent the next 20-plus years, raising my 3 children as a single parent, off and on having relationships that were sometimes difficult. I only had a GED at the time and financially had little or no help from anyone, and it was a very hard period in my life. I would like to say that I was always strong but I wasn’t, and my faith and understanding that God was with me was very important to me. I continued to attend the Episcopal church during this time and took my children there as well. 

 25 years old, with my 3 children (1995).

I had several bouts of homelessness during this time period, where my children were either with me, and we were with friends, or they were with their father and his family while I struggled to get financially stable again. It was not until I was 33 years old, and went back to school that things really changed. I managed to get an AA degree, then a bachelor's Degree, and a Master’s degree in sociology, and began teaching at Colorado State University part-time as an Adjunct while working on my Ph.D. At this point all my children are grown, have loving, stable long-term marriages, and have good relationships with me. I am happily remarried, and I am now set to graduate from Pacific School of Religion with my M.Div. in August of 2023.. It has truly been an epic struggle to get to this point, however, as I reflect on the past I see how each of these things has allowed me to learn and grow in compassion for others who struggle. I have since changed denominations, and now affiliate with the United Church of Christ. I became involved with them when I moved to California a couple of years before the pandemic, and they have carried me through this difficult time and sponsored my M.Div program at Pacific School of Religion, and supported me as a Member in Discernment for Ordination. Once I complete this unit of CPE I will become eligible to be ordained pending call.  

Me with my oldest son, newly divorced, In Gainesville FL, 1993

The other very important thing that has formed me spiritually, emotionally, and psychologically, is that while all of this other stuff was going on, I was chronically ill, and undiagnosed for many years. All through my 20s and early 30s, I went from one doctor to the next without any help or diagnosis until my late 30s when I finally got diagnosed with the first of a long string of health conditions - first hypothyroidism, then adrenal insufficiency, then HLA-B27 linked Psoriatic arthritis, and finally just last year, on top of all that Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome. It turned out that I have 2 genetic conditions that have affected me my entire life, however, I spent many years being told by doctors that there was nothing wrong with me, that I was faking, or exaggerating, or that I just needed to lose weight, or gain weight, or eat this diet or that and I would be FINE. Well, that was not the case, and due to these conditions not being treated for so long, in particular the Ehlers-Danlos syndrome and Psoriatic arthritis/Ankylosing Spondylitis.  I have permanent damage to my spine and joints that makes it necessary for me to use a wheelchair when I need to be on my feet for an extended period, or walk long distances. This experience of chronic illness has really helped me to understand a bit better the nature of suffering, and how it is really a universal experience for us as human beings. I think that it has helped me grow as a person, to be more kind and understanding of people, and has also given me a lot of empathy for those who also suffer. 

I have no doubt that all these experiences will continue to inform me, stretch me, challenge me, and also help me learn and grow as I continue on this journey.